Am I moving to slow through my novel, should I speed things up..read this please?
My mother clasped her hands together, “Well,” she walked over to the where I was seated and sat down at the stool next to me running her hands through my hair.I shifted uncomfortably away from her resenting the fact she had touched me. My father gave me a stern look and I just rolled my eyes in protest.
“Do you remember Joyce Maude down at the country club?” Her smiled never left her face which was really starting to creep me out.
This piqued my curiosity, “You mean the really mean woman who smells like cat food all of the time and never brushes her teeth?” My lips curled with disgust.
My father gripped the edge of the counter his knuckles baring white and said with a haughty tone, “Charlene, I don’t want to ever hear you say that again, okay, Mrs. Maude is a good person with a good heart who helps out in the community.”
I rolled my eyes, “Well it’s true,” I blurted out. “She never brushes her teeth and she always smells like cats!” I shuddered with horror.
I continued, “And she is really mean, remember the last time we were at the country club and you were playing in the golf tourney with Mr. Ripperton?”
My mother was glancing back and forth between the two of us smile beginning to fade when my father said, “Yes, I do, and she made sure that all of the money that was included into the tournament was to be donated to various charities.”
I grunted and mumbled under my breath, “She also made sure you faulted on the last hole with all of her excessive coughing when it was your turn to putt,” blood still boiling with anger as I remembered my father’s saddened expression that day while Mr. Ripperton celebrated yet another Ocean Shores Tourney Victory.
“She was also sick that day with the flu,” my father said with reassurance. “Yet, she still managed to show up and give support to the otherwise—“
“It was her husband!”
His eyebrows raised then he continued, “Charlene Dawson I would have expected more empathy from you.”
I stared down at the kitchen counter, cheeks burning with frustration.
My father softened his gaze and said in a quiet tone, “Mrs. Maude is a very fragile and sick old lady and she does everything she can to make sure that people in disadvantaged neighborhoods are given food to eat, money, clothes, and a multitude of other things they may need so they may live a better life. I do not know anybody else who does more for the community than Mrs. Maude.”
He paused while my mother repositioned herself in her stool.
He continued, “If there is any one person on this planet whom I look up to the most it is definitely Mrs. Maude. I only hope to be half the person she is.”
He let the last few words bury themselves in the eeriness of silence.
There was a long pause.
My mother glanced at both us and when she was sure our conversation had subsided she spoke, “Anyway, Mrs. Maude told me that she was in search of a few good enthusiastic young teenagers who were job-hunting this summer and I recommended Charlene to take up the position as one of the care-givers.”
I sat still with bated breath and brushed my bangs out of my eyes.
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Basically, I am moving really slow through my novel. I am introducing my characters first, so the action hasn’t really happened yet and wont’t til about 65 percent of the story is finished. Do you think I should implement more action scenes at an earlier time or is this fine?
Also, whaty do you think of this excerpt anyway?
18 male=]
I know I have a lot of years still ahead of me to grow and improve so I am taking my time with this writing thing and doing my best. This is actually the first novel I have ever begun to or plan on finishing to write. Based off of real people with slight characteristic tweaks=]
Tagged with: anger • brushes • cat food • cats • charities • charlene • curiosity • disgust • golf tourney • good heart • good person • google • knuckles • last time • lips • maude • mean woman • ocean shores • script type • text javascript
Filed under: Old World Bar Stools
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Well, it’s pretty good, although I hope this isn’t your introduction. If these were the first paragraphs, I wouldn’t continue. Anyway, the conversation seems a bit dragged out and kind of silly. Maybe you could shorten it a bit?
And, like BeautyBlitz says - starting the action 65% into the story isn’t really a good idea. Using all those pages before simply to introduce your characters isn’t going to interest your readers. Move along with the plot the moment you start, and let the readers know your characters while you’re doing so. Good luck!
My advice, introduce your characters AS they move through the story. Don’t wait so long to have anything happen or no one will make it that far. You need to start writing your story when the story starts, not 65% before.
The excerpt itself was actually fairly well written. But I do think it took too long for the mother to finally get to the point. Perhaps that is just who your characters are and how they communicate, but I think it took to long personally.
Yeah, its pretty slow. Its ok if its supposed to be slow since you don’t want it all to be fast, but going 65 percent of the way without action is too dry. Make a sub-plot or some interesting random occurrence.
It feels like the father is too infatuated with Joyce Maude… like maybe he had an affair with her or at least wants to. I don’t feel like his indignation is warranted to such a heated extent. Maybe he is upset with Charlene already and her distaste for Joyce only aggravates his contempt.
I like your writing style a lot though. You show a refinement that exceeds your years and an awareness of literary devices that even some professional writers neglect. If nothing else, this novel is a good excercise in those areas. This excerpt feels somewhat like Catcher in the Rye.