Comments on: For all teenagers. What do you think of my writing? http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/ Find a great selection of elegant and practical bar stools for your home. Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:02:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Sweatshirt and Skinny Jeans Girl http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14089 Sweatshirt and Skinny Jeans Girl Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14089 Overall, I think you have a good tone, and some interesting ideas (especially in Chapter 2 with your villain), though there are some confusing parts that you could clear up. Quite a few times, you could have phrased it differently, with words that would have given off a more sudden, exciting, and alluring tone. Shorter sentences also help. You did have a few excess words. Lastly, you should put more transitions into your second chapter. I'd go into detail, but there's not enough room. Make the changes you want – you’re the writer. But keep writing! This could be good with enough editing! Overall, I think you have a good tone, and some interesting ideas (especially in Chapter 2 with your villain), though there are some confusing parts that you could clear up. Quite a few times, you could have phrased it differently, with words that would have given off a more sudden, exciting, and alluring tone. Shorter sentences also help. You did have a few excess words. Lastly, you should put more transitions into your second chapter. I’d go into detail, but there’s not enough room.
Make the changes you want – you’re the writer. But keep writing! This could be good with enough editing!

]]> By: Samantha http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14090 Samantha Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14090 i liked it a lot, and it was very good! i liked it a lot, and it was very good!

]]> By: messages inside glass bottles http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14091 messages inside glass bottles Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14091 Great start, but a bit overkill on the details. It would be a lot better (in my opinion) if you cut down on the details a bit, but it's pretty good. Great start, but a bit overkill on the details. It would be a lot better (in my opinion) if you cut down on the details a bit, but it’s pretty good.

]]> By: hey http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14092 hey Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14092 I like it but i think you're trying too hard to make it seem professional I like it but i think you’re trying too hard to make it seem professional

]]> By: mp http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14093 mp Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14093 I love it!!! ,you should finish the story and sell it I love it!!! ,you should finish the story and sell it

]]> By: sapphire237 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14094 sapphire237 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14094 Wow! I loved it right to the very end I really liked the way you started it and i wasn't expecting him to be a cannibal So that was a surprise It's really good! Well Done :) Wow!
I loved it right to the very end
I really liked the way you started it and i wasn’t expecting him to be a cannibal
So that was a surprise
It’s really good!
Well Done :)

]]> By: I Am The Walrus http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14095 I Am The Walrus Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14095 Very exciting! I liked it a lot. Part 2 wasn't as good as the 1st, but it was still good. Keep it up! I'm sure the publishers would be interested in this. Good luck! :D Can you help me? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApLNuelfSjFpSbFirtdr9Qjsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100102114040AAIEsa1 Very exciting! I liked it a lot. Part 2 wasn’t as good as the 1st, but it was still good. Keep it up! I’m sure the publishers would be interested in this. Good luck! :D

Can you help me?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApLNuelfSjFpSbFirtdr9Qjsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100102114040AAIEsa1

]]> By: Grace http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2/comment-page-1/#comment-14096 Grace Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:38:01 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/for-all-teenagers-what-do-you-think-of-my-writing-2#comment-14096 Very interesting and intriguing! good job (: Very interesting and intriguing! good job (:

]]>