How is my Story so far?
Saturday, March 6th, 2010 at
2:40 am
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “How is my Story so far?”.
Tagged with: centuries • children in the woods • chocolate bar • downstairs • furniture • google • indigo • invisible ghost • mirror • museums • script type • shopkeeper • sky • storeroom • strange vision • text javascript • waste paper basket • wooden stairs
Filed under: Old World Bar Stools
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
It’s Okay^
Read Mine"?http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq7emJFRlOA3gfZ38Ca3udjsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100220131142AA67gUv
Not bad. Needs details. Like a lot of people you are writing down your plot- which is good, but what do we know about the store that the main character’s in? What do we know about the smirk of the boy, or the boy in general? We don’t. Keep tweeking.
Oh one last thing.
"I open my eyes instinctively and look around, that strange vision fading. I looked around at the room around me and groaned, seeing the furniture that looked like it had been pulled straight out of a time centuries ago."
The word around is used quite a bit. It’s a little uncomfortable. Maybe you could change some words, but it’s only a suggestion.
It’s a gripping tale from the point of view of a suicide victim…that’s how I’m feeling it. I’ve read from some old Hindu books that this is how it is with them. They just lurk in this world deprived of a body and imprisoned in the depression that caused them to kill themselves. Nobody can touch them except a seer perhaps (in this case, that boy), for he has disallowed all else. It is like hell. I’m bothered with the chocolate though. It seems to be out of context. Please remove that part or replace it. Anyway, it’s just me…and I’m not sure if I’m reading it right.