http://oldworldbarstools.net/more-opinion-on-my-story-titled-the-trip/ Find a great selection of elegant and practical bar stools for your home. Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:02:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 http://oldworldbarstools.net/more-opinion-on-my-story-titled-the-trip/comment-page-1/#comment-6841 Taylor Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:08:49 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/more-opinion-on-my-story-titled-the-trip#comment-6841 Well you did alright on explaining things but there are a few things you can improve on. With the whole smell thing you should describe a little more. For example, when she is driving in the car she could explain the smell a little better. Something like 'The smell of dirt and country life filled my nose as I rolled down the window.' Just something like that so we can get a better idea of what it smells like..so we can imagine it. You did okay on the hearing part, because you mentioned your mother singing to the radio. But maybe you should explain a little more like 'Over my mother's singing I heard the wooshing of the wind outside and the noise of some wildlife'. You did the best on explaining what your character was seeing but maybe you should explain some landscape better. Your character is out in the country, as you already explained, but what does she see? Are there hills rolling miles wide? Is the sky bright today? You could even go as far as explaining what the barns and such are made of. For example 'I glanced around at the nearby farms made of, what looked like, oak wood. They seemed old and unstable.' Or maybe they were new barns. 'They seemed new and stable enough.' Details can catch a readers attention and have them imagining what you're explaining. Using exact verbs is also something that really helps. Like instead of saying 'She ran across the long yard as fast as she could' 'She loped across the long yard as fast as she could' The word lope is better than ran because it's more imaginative. Well, I hope I helped and good luck with your story! Well you did alright on explaining things but there are a few things you can improve on. With the whole smell thing you should describe a little more. For example, when she is driving in the car she could explain the smell a little better. Something like ‘The smell of dirt and country life filled my nose as I rolled down the window.’ Just something like that so we can get a better idea of what it smells like..so we can imagine it. You did okay on the hearing part, because you mentioned your mother singing to the radio. But maybe you should explain a little more like ‘Over my mother’s singing I heard the wooshing of the wind outside and the noise of some wildlife’. You did the best on explaining what your character was seeing but maybe you should explain some landscape better. Your character is out in the country, as you already explained, but what does she see? Are there hills rolling miles wide? Is the sky bright today? You could even go as far as explaining what the barns and such are made of. For example ‘I glanced around at the nearby farms made of, what looked like, oak wood. They seemed old and unstable.’ Or maybe they were new barns. ‘They seemed new and stable enough.’ Details can catch a readers attention and have them imagining what you’re explaining. Using exact verbs is also something that really helps. Like instead of saying ‘She ran across the long yard as fast as she could’ ‘She loped across the long yard as fast as she could’ The word lope is better than ran because it’s more imaginative. Well, I hope I helped and good luck with your story!

]]> http://oldworldbarstools.net/more-opinion-on-my-story-titled-the-trip/comment-page-1/#comment-6842 Taylor!!! Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:08:49 +0000 http://oldworldbarstools.net/more-opinion-on-my-story-titled-the-trip#comment-6842 theres a lot of extra words that dont need to be there kinda strange wording... but its really good:) theres a lot of extra words that dont need to be there kinda strange wording… but its really good:)

]]>