So far, How is my story?
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Tagged with: best friends • coming of age • dirty dancing • ears • fingers • google • grammatical errors • hummer • minutes in heaven • party people • porch • script type • secret pact • sexuality • spelling • teenagers • text javascript • threshold • two friends • waiting in line
Filed under: Old World Bar Stools
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What I liked best was that you made the game sound secretive and forceful for the boy, but cliffhanging and subtle for the girl. It says something about their personalities. That makes me want to read more. And naturally, this is an intriguing subject to write about and I want to continue reading.
One suggestion? In places where you have a lot of ideas separated by commas, try to split those sentences into 2 or 3 instead of one sentence. I had an issue with that, too.
Example: Suddenly grabbed by the hood of his black jacket, Oliver was quickly pulled away from his friend and was escorted through the groups of people and soon enough, he was thrown into a closet, hitting the back wall and enclosed in darkness.
Change to:
Suddenly grabbed by the hood of his black jacket, Oliver was quickly pulled away from his friend and escorted through the groups of people. Soon enough, he was thrown into a closet. His head hit the back wall, and he realized he was enclosed in darkness.