the time, but she was looking for work. Thing were going good for awhile, The we started to have problems. To make along story short, we had a big blow out fight. She slapped me then I threw her at a recliner chair. She hit the arm of the chair forehead first. That was the last we were together. I started going to theripy for my anger. Then we ran into each other one night at a bar. I was withsomeone else, but she wasnt any thing serious. My ex and I started to argue, I said some thing I didnt mean that were realy awefull, she slapped me and naturally, me haveing a few in me, I slapped her back. The police were called and I went to jail. I still love her vary much, and, we were really good together. We did have problem that were basicly caused by my feelling of being overwhelmed because of money. I all ways tried to give her the best I possibly could. I know that what I did was realy horrible. I miss her badly, but after what I did I cant face her. Im still in theripy because of it.
My question is, What do I do now, Ive really done some thing I never thought I could do to a women. I love her more then any thing. She completed me, she was my bestfriend. I can forgive myself, so should I just move on or try to find a way to talk to her in time. Yes I know what I did was something no man should do to a women, trust me I feel like the fires in HELL have already consumed me. So I dont need any one telling me how EIVL I am. Ineed some really good genuine advice as to how to deal with my emptyness, that I feel, and to know if mybe she will ever talk to me again, or even feel the way she once did about me.

Few nights ago when i was very drunk i got in a fight at a bar. Some older guy (i’m 18, he looked about late-30s/early-40s) started on me, and i wasn’t taking his shit. He asks for me to come and speak to him, i was expecting him to apologise for being drunk, especially seeing as he was about 20-25 years older than me. But as i walked over to speak to him, he punched me in the throat and as i was away to start on him he moved back and picked up a bar stool and thrust it at my face, i blocked some of the force, but i still felt it. The fight quickly got separated, and i got kicked out, i think he stayed, not sure. But ever since then i keep having really intense episodes of anger, and want to retaliate, even though i dont know the guy. I’ve been in fights before, but ive never experienced sheer anger like this after one. I feel like he started on me just cause he thought i would be an easy target due to my age, and also like his tactics were a little cheap. But it seems stupid to hold grudges against someone i dont know, especially a grudge this intense.

ok this may not be so terrible but listen.. all my life i was neglected and abused by my family and everyone else everyday id come home from school bleeding… because i had been stabbed and im not able to defend myself because the teachers hated me to and id be the one getting suspended and ive never hit anyone or picked a fight…anyways my family is falling apart my brother mom and dad fgiht alot and they both blame it on my dads drinking he left and is now living in the shop and i havent actually seen him in a few months. my first memory is of me sitting in a room trying to ignore the figting and all the hate in the world. i was 2. ive seen 11 councilers and 7 therapists and none of them have helped…i used to be all hyper and able to hidebehind my smile cause i was tired of talking to people who just tell me jesus will save me im 15 and things have only gotten worse were was he when i was being stabbed in the chest then crammed under the bus seat to school were was he when i needed him…the point to all this is ive always had to hold in my anger because my parents always told me to walk away from a fight and i always have but im done hiding from the world what am i supposed to do when the fights in the home and in the family the jesse they all knew and loved the smiling spazzy one is now bleeding in the darkest corner of my mind slain by the worlds harsh sword of reality. and now its me the anger thats built up my brother called the cops on my dad and now im done im done trying to impress god and anyone else screw the rules no one else fallows them anyways when i get angry i black out and things get broke i bent a steel bar in half and chucked a chair clear accross the room and i put my fist through the kitchen wall i was bleeding but i didnt feel it the physical pain is nothing compaird to whats in my mind and i broke the counter top off the counter lol i need an outlet that involves hitting something but with less destruction the bloody hands are a good thing to me and i need to keep that but im running out of things to brake…please help if you can
uugh im completely screwed you are the 23 person to tell me i need to leave but i cant theres alot keeping me from going and my parents wont fund any judo or boxing or anything i need something thats free. and its too late im done relying on god he gave us free will and people are using theres to kill me i came a quarter of an inch from becoming a murder victim last year i was homeschooled and i came back and now no one bothers me because apparently im a scary person now….i just need a free outlet when you said leave i punched the wall my hands swollen and i beleive i fractured my pinky.

My mother clasped her hands together, “Well,” she walked over to the where I was seated and sat down at the stool next to me running her hands through my hair.I shifted uncomfortably away from her resenting the fact she had touched me. My father gave me a stern look and I just rolled my eyes in protest.

“Do you remember Joyce Maude down at the country club?” Her smiled never left her face which was really starting to creep me out.

This piqued my curiosity, “You mean the really mean woman who smells like cat food all of the time and never brushes her teeth?” My lips curled with disgust.

My father gripped the edge of the counter his knuckles baring white and said with a haughty tone, “Charlene, I don’t want to ever hear you say that again, okay, Mrs. Maude is a good person with a good heart who helps out in the community.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well it’s true,” I blurted out. “She never brushes her teeth and she always smells like cats!” I shuddered with horror.

I continued, “And she is really mean, remember the last time we were at the country club and you were playing in the golf tourney with Mr. Ripperton?”

My mother was glancing back and forth between the two of us smile beginning to fade when my father said, “Yes, I do, and she made sure that all of the money that was included into the tournament was to be donated to various charities.”
I grunted and mumbled under my breath, “She also made sure you faulted on the last hole with all of her excessive coughing when it was your turn to putt,” blood still boiling with anger as I remembered my father’s saddened expression that day while Mr. Ripperton celebrated yet another Ocean Shores Tourney Victory.

“She was also sick that day with the flu,” my father said with reassurance. “Yet, she still managed to show up and give support to the otherwise—“

“It was her husband!”

His eyebrows raised then he continued, “Charlene Dawson I would have expected more empathy from you.”

I stared down at the kitchen counter, cheeks burning with frustration.

My father softened his gaze and said in a quiet tone, “Mrs. Maude is a very fragile and sick old lady and she does everything she can to make sure that people in disadvantaged neighborhoods are given food to eat, money, clothes, and a multitude of other things they may need so they may live a better life. I do not know anybody else who does more for the community than Mrs. Maude.”

He paused while my mother repositioned herself in her stool.

He continued, “If there is any one person on this planet whom I look up to the most it is definitely Mrs. Maude. I only hope to be half the person she is.”

He let the last few words bury themselves in the eeriness of silence.

There was a long pause.

My mother glanced at both us and when she was sure our conversation had subsided she spoke, “Anyway, Mrs. Maude told me that she was in search of a few good enthusiastic young teenagers who were job-hunting this summer and I recommended Charlene to take up the position as one of the care-givers.”

I sat still with bated breath and brushed my bangs out of my eyes.

——————————————————————————————-

Basically, I am moving really slow through my novel. I am introducing my characters first, so the action hasn’t really happened yet and wont’t til about 65 percent of the story is finished. Do you think I should implement more action scenes at an earlier time or is this fine?

Also, whaty do you think of this excerpt anyway?

18 male=]

I know I have a lot of years still ahead of me to grow and improve so I am taking my time with this writing thing and doing my best. This is actually the first novel I have ever begun to or plan on finishing to write. Based off of real people with slight characteristic tweaks=]

This woman that I have known my entire life died Friday. She was like a grandmother to me. She helped take care of me. She always made me my favorite food. I use to sit on a stool in the kitchen while she cooked and talk to her for hours, she would sing with me and dance with me even though she had a bum leg. I spent so much time with her growing up. Granted as an adult I didn’t go see her as much as I should have, but I think everyone is guilty of that. You get busy with work and family- I did go visit with her, but I definitly should have made a point to go see her more. I visited her in the hospital, when her health started failing and she had to be hospitalized. When she died on Friday, I had every intention of going to the funeral, and was even preparing what I was going to say, only to get a call from my mom saying that her daughter already had the funeral today. I am devistated, I can’t believe her daughter would not tell me when the funeral was. I didn’t get to go, pay my respects to this woman who was such a huge part of my life and I will never get that moment back. My mom says I shouldn’t be upset because her daughter was grieving, had to make all the arangements, and had to pick up family at the airport, etc… while I understand that, I did try calling her to see if I could help with anything however did not hear back from her. I am so filled with anger right now, I could probably go my whole life without speaking to her daughter again, but she is like family, I was always apart of any big event in her life such as her graduation, her dance recitiuals, her wedding, she was there for my son’s birth and is my son’s god mother, etc… but I can’t believe she would not tell me when the funeral was, that in my eyes was a slap in the face, I am so hurt and distraught, I don’t know that I will get over this. Am I being selfish being this upset and should be more understanding like my mom says-because right now I don’t understand how I wasn’t the first person she called to tell when the arangements were-much less not call at all

Well my boyfriend visits me once a month and always spends the weekend. Naturally, we get "intimate" with each other while he is here. I live in a 4 bedroom apartment and we all have our own rooms (2 on each side of the place). I try my absolute hardest to be as quiet as possible when they are home because I know that it would be both awkward for me and them. I turn on the tv pretty loud and we try so hard to make sure the bed doesn’t make noises. The roommate that lives on the same side as me does not like me whatsoever. I have tried so hard to act nicely towards her, but she has an angry temper and has even knocked over the barstools in her anger. I do my best to tell her days beforehand when my boyfriend plans on visiting, but she still has a problem that he comes. (I pay the same rent she does and we either stay locked in my bedroom or go out). We try our best to stay out of sight. I am always nervous because she has my moms cell number.. I dont know how to handle this. Any advice?
Naturally my parents do not know that he comes to see me. Yes, we are old enough to be responsible for our own sex lives (so please, I would appreciate it if you didn’t submit answers telling me how horrible I am because we aren’t married. I am not looking for your religious insight.) Point is, we are old enough; however, my parents do not know that he comes to visit me, or that we are intimate with eachother. Which is why I am nervous that my soon to be ex-roommate has saved my moms number this whole year. Also, I am moving out and I would like for her to delete my moms number, as she should no longer need it. She is the kind of person who, months from now, even though we no longer live together, would call my mom out of spite and spill the beans about me and my bf. In addition to my previous question, any advice about how to ask her to delete my moms number would be greatly appreciated! Thanks =]