"she" is referring to Saylor, my 12 yr old main character, and she and her mom’s fiance Matthew are together in a coffee shop. they both dislike each other, but Saylor hates Matthew more than anything.

She recalled the drive from her home to Bluwater Wharf. Matthew sat stiffly in the driver’s seat, barely paying attention to the road. Saylor was in the backseat, staring blankly out the window. Her suitcase, purse and duffel bag remained next to her, but she didn’t touch them. Matthew didn’t utter a word to her for the entire eight hours. In fact, he barely moved except to slam on the brakes, shift the gears or turn the steering wheel. The exception came an hour into the drive when Saylor’s mom called and he immediately pulled over in a parking lot to answer her. They chatted away for twenty minutes, until apparently she asked to talk to Saylor because Matthew handed his cell phone over to her with a look of disdain. Saylor tried to explain once again that she felt strongly against spending her summer in Bluwater, begging to come back home while she was still close enough. However, her mom took over the conversation like always and threw all of Saylor’s reasons back at her, explaining that it would all work out. Then the battery died, Matthew shot Saylor more disgusted looks as if it were her fault, and the car swerved back onto the freeway.

They stopped for dinner at a roadside coffee shop. Until then Saylor had considered coffee shops for breakfast only, but she was hungry and didn’t object. Matthew ordered an espresso with two shots of hazelnut syrup. Saylor stood in line with him, but he didn’t offer to buy anything for her. A barista in a black visor and striped apron asked what she wanted. The menu selection was so overwhelming that she randomly chose hot chocolate and a bagel, laying out a few wrinkled bills. She carried her food over to one of the counter stools and ate in silence, stealing glances at Matthew sipping his drink and tapping away on his laptop across the room. Saylor ignored the chatter and laughter of the other customers. She made as much noise as possible leaving the shop, hoping Matthew would notice, but he didn’t even look up.

She waited outside for half an hour before she realized what Matthew was doing. Glimpsing through the window, she saw him sprawled out in an armchair, mindlessly watching online videos with his laptop balanced on his knees. Next to him was an empty cup.

At the moment, Saylor was too frustrated to think twice. She sprinted down the corner, pushed past several people and banged open the coffee shop doors. The bell jangled noisily as the doors slammed shut behind her. Strutting boldly past the customers who gaped in annoyance, Saylor confronted Matthew. “Can we go?” she demanded.

He continued clicking for several minutes, then looked up. “Last I checked,” he muttered, “you weren’t driving.”

“You can’t keep me here all night,” she retorted.

He went back to his computer then, and she made a few spiteful remarks just to see if he’d say anything back. He didn’t. She stood firm, casting a shadow over him, but he completely shut her out. Minutes passed, but to Saylor they might as well have been hours. Every second she waited drained her of another ounce of self-discipline, until she couldn’t stand it any longer. Her knees ached and her ankles throbbed from being pressed into the floor. Taking a step forward, she pounded the return button on Matthew’s laptop, snapped it shut and tucked it under her arm. That was guaranteed to get a rise out of him, so he’d have to respond to her. A satisfied smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she walked toward the door. I’ve won this game, finally! Scream and shout at me all you want, because that means you won’t be ignoring me anymore. The louder and longer, the better. You heard me right, Matthew, I’ll be enjoying this!

To her dismay, he didn’t scream or shout or even open his mouth. Nor did he give her the dirty looks she’d come to expect from him. He merely took his laptop from her and headed straight out the door, for the car. She followed him, fuming, ready to throw a punch the second he turned his back. She didn’t, but she did sit down in the passenger seat. His reaction was to turn on the engine and back out of the parking stall, glancing occasionally at the rearview mirror but never at Saylor.
yes i know it’s long but i really need your help, please! Thanks so much

my main character, 12 year old Saylor, and her mom’s fiance Matthew, are together in a coffee shop. They both dislike each other, but Saylor hates him with all her heart. "She" is referring to Saylor.

She recalled the drive from her home to Bluwater Wharf. Matthew sat stiffly in the driver’s seat, barely paying attention to the road. Saylor was in the backseat, staring blankly out the window. Her suitcase, purse and duffel bag remained next to her, but she didn’t touch them. Matthew didn’t utter a word to her for the entire eight hours. In fact, he barely moved except to slam on the brakes, shift the gears or turn the steering wheel. The exception came an hour into the drive when Saylor’s mom called and he immediately pulled over in a parking lot to answer her. They chatted away for twenty minutes, until apparently she asked to talk to Saylor because Matthew handed his cell phone over to her with a look of disdain. Saylor tried to explain once again that she felt strongly against spending her summer in Bluwater, begging to come back home while she was still close enough. However, her mom took over the conversation like always and threw all of Saylor’s reasons back at her, explaining that it would all work out. Then the battery died, Matthew shot Saylor more disgusted looks as if it were her fault, and the car swerved back onto the freeway.
They stopped for dinner at a roadside coffee shop. Until then Saylor had considered coffee shops for breakfast only, but she was hungry and didn’t object. Matthew ordered an espresso with two shots of hazelnut syrup. Saylor stood in line with him, but he didn’t offer to buy anything for her. A barista in a black visor and striped apron asked what she wanted. The menu selection was so overwhelming that she randomly chose hot chocolate and a bagel, laying out a few wrinkled bills. She carried her food over to one of the counter stools and ate in silence, stealing glances at Matthew sipping his drink and tapping away on his laptop across the room. Saylor ignored the chatter and laughter of the other customers. She made as much noise as possible leaving the shop, hoping Matthew would notice, but he didn’t even look up.
She waited outside for half an hour before she realized what Matthew was doing. Glimpsing through the window, she saw him sprawled out in an armchair, mindlessly watching online videos with his laptop balanced on his knees. Next to him was an empty cup.
At the moment, Saylor was too frustrated to think twice. She sprinted down the corner, pushed past several people and banged open the coffee shop doors. The bell jangled noisily as the doors slammed shut behind her. Strutting boldly past the customers who gaped in annoyance, Saylor confronted Matthew. “Can we go?” she demanded.
He continued clicking for several minutes, then looked up. “Last I checked,” he muttered, “you weren’t driving.”
“You can’t keep me here all night,” she retorted.
He went back to his computer then, and she made a few spiteful remarks just to see if he’d say anything back. He didn’t. She stood firm, casting a shadow over him, but he completely shut her out. Minutes passed, but to Saylor they might as well have been hours. Every second she waited drained her of another ounce of self-discipline, until she couldn’t stand it any longer. Her knees ached and her ankles throbbed from being pressed into the floor. Taking a step forward, she pounded the return button on Matthew’s laptop, snapped it shut and tucked it under her arm. That was guaranteed to get a rise out of him, so he’d have to respond to her. A satisfied smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she walked toward the door. I’ve won this game, finally! Scream and shout at me all you want, because that means you won’t be ignoring me anymore. The louder and longer, the better. You heard me right, Matthew, I’ll be enjoying this!
To her dismay, he didn’t scream or shout or even open his mouth. Nor did he give her the dirty looks she’d come to expect from him. He merely took his laptop from her and headed straight out the door, for the car. She followed him, fuming, ready to throw a punch the second he turned his back. She didn’t, but she did sit down in the passenger seat. His reaction was to turn on the engine and back out of the parking stall, glancing occasionally at the rearview mirror but never at Saylor.

Okay so I know I have asked this many times, but I have it longer now. What I want your opinion on is if I describe everything that my character smells, hears, sees, and thinks well enough for my reader to understand. Please no copying…

All I could see from the backseat of the car was advertiments for restaurants and “Adopt a Highway” signs. My Golden Retriever, Lulu, was resting her head on my thigh, sleeping heavily. The woman in the front seat I call mom was singing to the 70’s music on the radio. Dad was just sitting in the drivers’ seat glaring at the curvy roads ahead, not even listening to me protest about our five hour road trip.
“Now honey, when I was a boy I once drove from back home in Illinois all the way to Washington with my six annoyin’ lil’ brothers and sisters. And you know how long that took?” I didn’t respond. He didn’t say a word either.
Dead silence.
The highway eventually led to a country road with apartments and ranch houses lined up behind a newly painted white fence. I glanced out ahead the front window to see if the there was a main road up ahead so we could get some food to cure my growling stomach. Nothing. Just trees, manure, barns, and fields.
Besides the smell, Wisconsin seemed pretty nice. The houses weren’t too old fashioned, you could barely find an busy sidewalks like there was in New York, and everyone taking a morning walk that we passed seemed to be kind. But then again, I thought, don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
A sudden jolt shook the car awaking my dog, Lulu from her nap as dad led the car onto a long gravel path. The drive led to a house that was wide with a low roof. A barn, broken window and all was set off about fifty yards away from the brick house. Open windows in the front showed off rooms that looked like they belonged to a family.
“We’re here. Get your bags ready.” My dad ordered from the front seat. I looked at his handsome dark hair and wide chin. Everyone always said I was a perfect resemblance to him. Maybe on the outside, but not the inside, I thought, remembering the force of his arm on mine, grabbing me and pushing me into the car. Tears were coming out of my eyes like a river, as mom had explained. She had said to calm me down, “Stop crying, sweetie, you’ll flood our house.” But it didn’t help.
Dad never told where we were going or why. All I knew was that I was in Wisconsin from reading a sign at the state border.
“Rylee Romano, get out of the car now. Me and your mom have an important business meeting soon, and we’ll miss our flight if you don’t get a move on.” Dad boomed. He was now standing outside of the car, holding a duffel bag. I wondered to myself how he had packed all three bags without me knowing. Also, if they were really going on a business trip. As far as I was concerned, my parents worked in completely different fields.
“Rylee!”
“Oh, sorry. Coming!” I staggered out of the SUV with Lulu trotting behind, armed with two duffel bags.
Waiting at the front porch was an older lady, probably in her 50’s, waving at me and dad and mom frantically. I hoped that this woman wouldn’t be caring for me while my parents were on their ‘business trip’. And I got my spirit’s up way to high.
Up close, the woman didn’t look as ugly as I had imagined. Her slightly gray hair was braided cascading down her back and was wearing a midnight blue turtle neck with a pair of jeans.
“Hi, Rylee. I’m Marla, you’re great aunt. I will be babysitting you until your mommy and daddy get back. Okay?” Marla sounded like a peppy preschool teacher introducing herself, making me almost want to vomit. It wasn’t a very good first impression if that was what she was trying to do.
“Come one inside. We can have some mint tea.” she said, motioning for us, the Romano’s, to follow her.
We followed Marla inside into a dimly lit hall with photographs of little girls, maybe grandchildren, playing in sand, snow, dirt, leaves, and grass. The hallway brought us to a carpeted living room with cabinet after cabinet with exotic dolls staring at me through the streaky glass. Unfolded laundry lay in a wash basket on an old couch placed up against a wall, facing a small TV. room with cabinet after cabinet with exotic dolls staring at me through the streaky glass. Unfolded laundry lay in a wash basket on an old couch placed up against a wall, facing a small TV.
“Do you like dolls, Rylee?” she seemed to have noticed me staring blankly at her collection. I spun around to see her staring at me with curious eyes .
“No.”
“Oh.”
We continued to a wide room, a kitchen, with beige walls and cowboy wallpaper. There was three stools placed by a shiny marble counter. An island with drawers on all sides had a gallon of milk with a half full cereal bowl and a spoon left on it. Pictures of more children, sloppy pictures torn out of a coloring book, and colorful magnets were covering almost the entire refri
Sorry it is so long