Ladies: I feel as though I am two people. (Beware: very long, a serious read)?
I had posted a version of this question awhile ago while I was still a high school student, but now as I am a college student much has changed. Yet, at times I feel that rather than truly changing I have adopted two different personalities that at certain times clash. What I was before and what I am now is quite a dilemma. So my question is, how do you feel about me before, how do you feel about me now, and how do you think I should integrate my characteristics together? *[Info in brackets indicate me now]*
So, I’ve always been commented for the way I dress, my personality, intelligence, and so on but I’ve never really found that special person who can keep me interested. Sure people come and go, but there always seems to be a lack of that one girl that I can stick with.
If I had to classify myself I would say that I was somewhat "metrosexual", a bit of a nerd, ambitious, humorous but not a class clown, conservative morals.
"Metrosexual" – So yes, I do care how my appearance and my hygiene quite a bit. I was raised in a traditional family so my dressing style has always been preppy, some would say classy, others would say on the verge of homosexual. I would say I dress between a mix of classic, traditional preppy and urban lifestyle preppy. By metrosexual I mean I do care about how I dress, how my hair looks, I use hair products, facial cleansers, cologne. I try my best to keep clean—I am slightly a neat freak—and stay fresh, I follow a nutrition plan and work out at the gym. But I am not extreme, I do not get manicures and pedicures. I do occasionally pick up a copy of Men’s Health, Gentlemen’s Quarterly, or Vogue.
[The past year I have been slacking up much more in my dress code. Because of the college environment I often find myself dressed in sweat pants, a tee, and tennis shoes, but at the same time I continue to dress the way I did before. It troubles some of my friends as they wonder why the drastic difference from day to day and remind me that "dressing up" (which to me is not) is not normal in college. I feel as though I lose a part of myself and my integrity when I dress so poorly.]
Nerd & Ambitious – One of the most important goals of mine is to get into Harvard Medical School and become a cosmetic surgeon, followed by getting an MBA from Harvard Business School. I envision a life helping others and hopefully having time to spend some summers in 3rd world countries to donate money and participate in humanitarian aid groups. I am not ashamed of spending hours studying, volunteering, interning, but I know how to have fun, although I would prefer playing sports to binge drinking and random sex (although I’ve had my fair share of drinking games). [My goals stay the same, but being introduced to the college life as a Freshman I have turned much more into the party boy I did not envision myself as. I find myself going to the bars, frat parties, house parties, etc. on the weekends and occasionally Thursdays and Fridays. I have become much more social than before and have been encountering situations that come along with the active nightlife that I did not want to happen before. Regardless I am somewhat enjoying this new mixture of study and play. Unfortunately, at the same time it is taking away from my time to just have some "me" time or to participate in other activities.]
Humorous – I would say I am a light hearted humorous person but I am not the class clown and I can be serious but funny depending on the situation. [I have dramatic changed from being subtle in humour to being very outspoken in any situation and being a comedian when I can. Don't get me wrong, I do not act like an idiot, but I do bring the fun whenever I can. As before, I would be more or less on the sidelines.]
Conservative morals – I’m not the type of person who will get shitfaced the night before class nor am I into random hook ups. I am not attracted to "hot" girls but would rather use beautiful, pretty, or gorgeous, I don’t know if this makes sense. My sense of fun is probably different from a lot of college students, I would rather go sailing, sitting by the fireplace, sitting on a train going through the fields of tuscany, visiting the luvre, or sitting down by the sand watching the sunset than to go to a party. [These morals have been troubling me lately. As mentioned I have been partying and going out and encountering everything that comes along with that. Essentially looking at this I have broken many of my morals, but emotionally now it is a mixture of liking what I am doing and yet wanting to stick to my beliefs.]
I appreciate nature, luxury cars, art, architecture, furniture (particularly victorian and french). I greatly enjoy cooking, a typical activity associated with women. I occupy a lot of my time playing sports and working out. I do enjoy simple things such as movies, hanging out here and there, going to the pool, whatever, but I prefer doing big exciting or adventurous activities. [All
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I appreciate nature, luxury cars, art, architecture, furniture (particularly victorian and french). I greatly enjoy cooking, a typical activity associated with women. I occupy a lot of my time playing sports and working out. I do enjoy simple things such as movies, hanging out here and there, going to the pool, whatever, but I prefer doing big exciting or adventurous activities. [All of this is still true, but as we all know there are only 24 hours in a day. As I think about it I feel as though a lot of my time is consumed by social activities on top of studies. Although it is quite enjoyable to be "in the scene" so to say, it is also very demanding and I feel as though I cannot find a balance between doing everything I like to do and being part of something with everyone else around me.]
I would still like to know what everyone thinks about how I was before, how I am now, and how I should pull my life together.
I wasn’t joking about a very long, serious read.
I don’t expect to get many more answers, but just a few notes to give a better picture.
Yes, I know my dreams are ambitious. I am 100% willing to go through my undergrad, graduate, residency, and practice time. My business goals are linked with my profession as a cosmetic surgeon so it is not two entirely different careers.