A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2", weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5" pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."
———————————————————————————-

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes."
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I’ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put ,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the ,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.

The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.

The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.

The pope told the brunette to take the last one.

The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
luckygohappy- you’re blonde aren’t you?

Hello, I need some advice please!
I have a 10 month old male rat called Rufus, ive had him from 6weeks old. He was very shy and quite moody but also very very friendly. He’s never bitten anybody and he’s really a big softie. My boyfriend and I always showed him lots of care and attention but recently he’s been looking very down and depressed, I knew its because he needed a friend. So we bought him another little ratty friend, a male baby of about 8-10weeks called Maxwell. He’s very friendly and fun. We introduced Rufus to Maxwell in Maxwell’s house to see if they would get on, Maxwell took to Rufus straight away and Rufus didn’t seem to mind at all. We carried them home together in Rufus’ travel carrier and they seemed quite happy with each other, even beginning to groom one another a little. I put their cages next to each other so they could smell each other, then I put them in the bath together so they could play around and to see if Rufus would attack Maxwell, they seemed to get on very well and Rufus began to groom Maxwell and they even started to snuggle up to each other. However, when I put them both in to Rufus’ cage, Rufus began to chase after Maxwell ans nip and scratch Maxwell, Maxwell would just squeal and lay on his back. I took Maxwell out over night and just put their cages together, ,though Rufus looked quite sad and started to put his nose through the bars and get close to Maxwell. The next morning I put them back in the bath to play and they were fine, I disinfected Rufus’ cage and re-arranged the furniture to make it seem like a totally new house so he wouldn’t become territorial again. Once I put them back in together Rufus kept going up to Maxwell and nipping him again, hitting hm with his paws and just bullying him, then he’d leave him alone and come back and do it again. Maxwell just squeals and lays down. There is no blood but I really don’t want the baby to be hurt, I only did it so Rufus had some company.

What should I do? Is this normal? Is Rufus really hurting Maxwell or is this just normal dominance stuff? Please help me!! I don’t know whats normal and whats not!!

Thank You in advance….

Kat
xx

So, one of my best friends from high school brought us on this billionaire vacacion. In high school, all 4 of us were like best friends. We worked together, took same classes always hung out etc. It was so amazing.

He didn’t grow up this rich either! So, he took us on a private jet that was HUUGE. It had like 3 flight attendants. he picked us up and drove us there in this new range rover and like parked next to the plane. He didn’t like park his car first and then walk in to get on your plane… he literally parked it at t he airplane and you get on then they move it to this private parking lot with a gate. Then we got on his jet. it was just us 4 in there and they had like 3 flight attendants like breaking their asses to help us.

We get there and then just walk out of the jet and right into the helicopter… they move all the bags for u and stuff. And there is even a bar, and bathroom and a flight attendant for the helicopter. One of the chairs can turn into a big couch to sleep on.

It lands near the water at a marina and then we are met in like a huge SUV to take us to the boat. They made us dinner, and then we went to sleep.

We got up at like 8 the next morning and they made a whole breakfast buffet for us.. it was soo good and they make anything else that you want with it. We had mimosas.

We went snorkeling, drove around his speed boat and floated in this beautiful lagoon beach… they had hammocks in front of tables so we like laid down and ate lunch in the shade between the palm trees. After lunch, we took the speed boat back to the yacht to have drinks and cheese and crackers. We were drinking lots of wine that was sooo expensive… they made us dinner on the back deck of the yacht, and turned it around so we could see the sunset. it was so amazing.

After that, they docked in Key West florida and went out all night until everything closed. by then, we just went back to the yacht and slept.

We had a late morning the next morning – just sat around and didn’t do shit. We made them make us a ton of food… we just would want random things and they’d make it.

After that we went back into the jet, and it went to New York City and we just walked up 5th ave and shopped. He got like 100 things and he bought us all things from like 20 stores. After that we had dinner at Rockerfeller Center took his jet again from New York City back home. And it wasn’t even as if we couldn’t drive back from NYC, it would take an hour. Instead, we took the jet it took 20 minutes.

He grew up with the same amount of money as we did! This is like new for him this year. Also, he made it all on his own… How did he get so rich!!! It was so random and like out of the blue.

I had an appt today at 3 to put her down, but we were going to try another med i think, instead. I spoke with the vet last night about it. Around 11pm she woke me with her monkey crying like when she was a baby. She was wagging her tail when i came in, and would put her head up but then lay it back down. My son and I petted her and we both eventually went to bed when she appeared okay. There was a little foam at her mouth at one point. She was having problems with her legs but other than that supposedly fine. She was on a medication Deromaxx for pain. We had a cold front here in Indiana past few days and it got into her legs and she was really having a hard time standing on them. I found her deceased in the kitchen this morning. I had heard her at one point in the night, but really nothing more. I figured it passed and she was better. The doctor told me that this med could upset her stomach. She had one the night before, and around 10 when i spoke with the vet next morning she suggested that perhaps we double the dose just until the warm spell comes back, to see if that would help for now. It was really just a matter of time, but she appeared happy, but i was starting to think it was time when i called for that appt. There was a stool by her, and some urine. And it appeared that there was a big smear on the floor that looked like blood to me, but may have been doo doo smear, altho i tend to think not. I feel really bad that i left her to die alone, and my son is having a really hard time, he is 19 and in pre med and had to go to a one hour class after we got her body to the vet. Should i have an autopsy? The vet said when they die so quickly like that it is usually a stroke or a heart or lung problem that they didnt let on about. The dog was eating cantaloupe with me and my other dog just about 4 or 5 hours before that!! She was fine, except for the mobility issue…. Do i really want an autopsy, or mark it up to old age?? I have only about an hour to decide… does it really matter? She had a good long life. The doctor told me not to beat myself up about it, dogs usually want to go off to die alone she said, but i feel bad about leaving her like that…. But do i really need to know what really took her or not? i am 50/50 on it.
My vet said that the dog gave us one final gift, to die at home like she would have wanted, and to take care of it for us, because we had such a hard time knowing when it was time. Steroids were going to be next for a while probably, but not quite yet. I hope she didnt OD on that drug.. but i would think that would have happened earlier in the day. The dog had just drunk a lot of water my son said. I tried to give her water when i saw the little foam, and she tasted it a few times. But wouldnt take the morsel of treat I offered to her. I was really just like that, and the vet said at that age, it can happen that way, just all of a sudden.
She was a big german/american shepard. She weighed about 102 right now.
The dog was having problems with her legs, standing on them … leg problems do not cause sudden illness/death.
Thank you Schuby … that is what the vet said, she gave us one final gift, that we would not have to do that because we just couldnt. That was all it was with her, arthritis in the back legs and some myopathy. She said countless people come in saying that they wish the dog had died at home so that they didnt have to make that decision to put him/her down. Its a terrible decision to come to. The vet said she would give us a look when she was ready. We would have stayed with her all night if we had any clue she was dying.

Please don’t take offense to this joke, it has no malicious intent!!

Blokes been drinking at a bar for hours, the barman turns to him and says that he has had too much and should go home.

The bloke creates a big fuss and gets one more drink.

After the last drink he attempts to get off the bar stool, and falls to the floor…… he hauls him self up and moves forward about a meter and falls to the floor again!!!

Luckly the bloke only lives 200m from the pub, however hard the bloke tries ever meter he falls to the ground… hauls himself up…. falls down….

Next morning the blokes wife brings him a cup of tea in bed and exclaims "you cirtainly had a few last night!!"

The bloke protests "No No, I only had a couple"

"Rubish!" Says the wife, "I know you had far to much last night because Larry the barman called…. says you’ve left your wheel-chair in the bar!!!"

Please don’t take offense to this joke, it has no malicious intent!!

Blokes been drinking at a bar for hours, the barman turns to him and says that he has had too much and should go home.

The bloke creates a big fuss and gets one more drink.

After the last drink he attempts to get off the bar stool, and falls to the floor…… he hauls him self up and moves forward about a meter and falls to the floor again!!!

Luckly the bloke only lives 200m from the pub, however hard the bloke tries ever meter he falls to the ground… hauls himself up…. falls down….

Next morning the blokes wife brings him a cup of tea in bed and exclaims "you cirtainly had a few last night!!"

The bloke protests "No No, I only had a couple"

"Rubish!" Says the wife, "I know you had far to much last night because Larry the barman called…. says you’ve left your wheel-chair in the bar!!!"

About 11 months ago, we got a new kitten, and she just recently turned on year old. Sunday morning, we had accidentally left her out all night (she’s strictly an inside house cat, BTW), and she had gotten into some Fudge Rounds. I had just woken up and one package was completely open, with a Fudge Round on the other side of the kitchen. Like I said, I had just woken up, so I don’t really remember if there was chunk missing from it or what, but anyway, she was doing fine throughout the whole day. She acted like normal, and we put her in her cage on Sunday night. The next morning, she had had a bowel movement in her cage, and we let her out, and she didn’t act right. She went into the kitchen, threw up, got a drink of water, and then jumped on top of the kitchen chairs and slept until we had to leave for school/work and we put her in her cage, where she had made another bowel movement in. This time, it didn’t look right. It was a mixture between soft and hard. That night, she had thrown up twice, both had a little bit of a pink/yellow tint to them, and then she had two bowel movements on the kitchen floor and they were extremely watery. One even looked like it had blood in it. Which, I barely thought about since she has had blood in her stool before, and it never bothered her, it just seemed like a normal type of thing for her. BTW, her three siblings died within months of being born. She then started going to the litter box to make bowel movements, but it was still extremely runny and watery, but she stopped vomiting. After last night, I haven’t seen her make a bowel movement at all, nor throw up, but she still occasionally takes a drink of water, which is good so she doesn’t dehydrate, but she still refuses to eat. She’ll also stretch and want to be petted a bit now before falling asleep, but she still looks week, and it scares me that she hasn’t had a bowel movement in a while. We’ve already decided to take her up to the vet if she doesn’t get better by tomorrow.

I am moving out, but won’t be out for 2 more weeks. Long story short, I have an inconsiderate, disrespectful roommate and about a month and a half ago asked him to leave or else I would. This past Saturday he had a party and the next morning I found my scooter pushed over. The scooter is about 3 months old and was in perfect condition and while it’s just a scooter, still cost me over a grand. I confronted my roommate and he said he had nothing to do with it, it’s not his problem, and is disrespectful to me. So I call the police, fill out the report, and he won’t cooperate at all.

So now, legally, he’s safe. Later the same day I ask him if he’s going to fix the few things inside the apartment that got broken at the party and he agrees. Then I ask about my scooter and he says that it is outside and not his responsibility, if it was one of his guests, they can pay for the damages, if they want. At that point I tell him that he is no longer welcome to any of my possessions in the common area (I own most of the furniture and kitchen stuff) because he has no respect for my stuff. He replies with, "We’ll see."

I ended the conversation at that point because I didn’t want to lose my temper. How can I deal with this? Can I legally do anything if he continues to use my stuff without permission? I don’t want to get into any legal trouble myself but what can I do to protect my possessions?

I was with my now EX boyfriend for about 8 months. We lived together. We would fight a lot. I didnt like how often he drank so I nagged him a lot. But he does have a bit of a drinking problem. Since we’ve been fighting a lot lately, we’ve been having some breaks. I was bad because I would say stuff like well i’ll go sleep with someone else because thats what I do when I get hurt. Even though I had no intentions of doing so. And he told me that if I did it would really mess him up. He kept warning me and telling me "not to mess up"

When we were broken up, he had some ppl over, sorta like a mini party at our apartment. Since we were not together, I just stayed in my the bedroom and watched tv while he partied in the kitchen/living room area. He then went to the bar after and slept at his cousins house.

When he came home the next morning I found out he slept with his cousins best friend! Who was using my glasses to drink her booze, sitting on my furniture, and partying in MY place. He told me that she means nothing though. I was insulted also because when I came out of my room when she was at my place I looked right at her and I didnt consider her a treat at all. Not trying to be rude but I thought she was not good looking.

He tells me she means nothing and since we werent together its not cheating. He admits hes messed up but says he did it because he was so angry with me. He was VERY drunk when he had sex with her.

I was set up with a gorgeous guy. He’s a hair stylist at the same salon that I get my hair done at.

The dates seemed to have went well (he was crazy about me after every single one, texting a ton, telling me how beautiful/great I was, how he couldn’t stop talking/thinking about me…) but now, out of the blue, he’s stopped calling, and I’m left asking why. Maybe he did find another girl but there were a few things that set off my "gay-dar."

You be the judge: (I know that none of them are definite signs and some are totally normal for straight men…)

- He has a tramp stamp that he calls his "champ stamp"
- Dresses what I thought was "metro" but my friends swear that it screams otherwise– v-neck t-shirts, long necklaces, girlish jeans…
- He has a bin of shoes (multiple pairs of white loafers)
- He told me that he rearranges his furniture every two weeks
- He talked (for ten minutes) about how he thinks a large plant would look excellent in his living area
- Burns sage to keep the spirits away
- When we were out, him and a guy friend at the bar were laughing about how they had kissed outside a different bar the weekend before "Didn’t you kiss me last week?!" "oh yeah, hahahaha…"
- When he went to the bathroom, an old friend approached me and said "I would swear that your date was gay…"
- After he introduced me to a female friend and her friend, I overheard her friend saying "You have to squash that quick"
- Hung all over me in front of his friends (maybe was trying to use me to be like "Hey guys! Look! I like women!" ??
- He seemed a bit confused with the female anatomy, and at 30, I would think that he would know where things are…
- "Two pump chump" basically sums up the rest of that experience… and our experience the next morning. (Maybe just not used to a female?)
- Feminine screams upon climaxing… Umm… I haven’t been with many guys so maybe I just missed something…
- His mannerisms are quite feminine… we dance the same, he does the "oh my GODDDD" thing many of my female friends do..
- Talked about his new male personal trainer for what seemed like a little too long…

I don’t know. What do you think? I’m sure there are other possibilities : just lost interest, embarrassed by what happened in bed, found someone else, is confused, depressed, etc.

Any other possibilities?

I’m totally still going there to get my hair done (:
Thanks in advance!

(I’m 22, he’s 30)

My cat had surgery on his ear (Wed)…. started giving him antibiotic medication the next morning (Thurs).
He is taking a form of Amoxicillin…. 2 x day…..he has been on the
antibiotic for 3 days now and this evening I found a small piece of poop on the kitchen floor… it was formed but light in color and kinda soft….. I also found what looked like water drops but brownish in color… about 6-8 small drops on a different area of the floor.
My question is:
Can antibiotics cause loose stools or diahrea in cats? After 3 days of taking it plus the fact that he has never had soft/loose stools before or any accidents on the kitchen floor…..could it be the medication causing it? He seems fine otherwise….
I know humans sometimes experience this when antibiotics are taken so maybe cats can too…… any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank You
( sorry for the detailed description of what I saw but I wanted to give as much detail as possible )

Please don’t take offense to this joke, it has no malicious intent!!

Blokes been drinking at a bar for hours, the barman turns to him and says that he has had too much and should go home.

The bloke creates a big fuss and gets one more drink.

After the last drink he attempts to get off the bar stool, and falls to the floor…… he hauls him self up and moves forward about a meter and falls to the floor again!!!

Luckly the bloke only lives 200m from the pub, however hard the bloke tries ever meter he falls to the ground… hauls himself up…. falls down….

Next morning the blokes wife brings him a cup of tea in bed and exclaims "you cirtainly had a few last night!!"

The bloke protests "No No, I only had a couple"

"Rubish!" Says the wife, "I know you had far to much last night because Larry the barman called…. says you’ve left your wheel-chair in the bar!!!"