A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2", weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5" pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."
evryone but my older sister and dad is blond in my family… im a dirty blonde (but my IQ is 128)
I’m not against blondes, don’t worry

i hope. Can you tell me what you think of my story. This is only the beginning

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If you could only speak another 10 words before you would lose your voice, what would you say? Would you convey your feelings about political events, would you own up to a crime you committed, even if it was something as small as stealing a chocolate bar from the pantry?

“Come on Whitney,” my sister called from downstairs. “Sometime before Christmas would be nice”
“Alright alright,” I moaned as I jogged down the stairs. “But remember, I get front seat in the car on the way back from Sir-bore-a-lots Castle.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t call my therapy group that.” My older sister Claire moaned as she sat down in the driver’s seat of her dusty old station wagon. My brother Jason was already occupying the front seat as usual, which meant I was left with the back seat.
“Why do I even have to come to this stupid place?” I said sulkily.
“Because,” replied Claire, “Triedel Majoria said she wanted to met the whole family”
“Well what about Mum and Dad, why aren’t they being dragged along to this?”
“Oh Whit, would you just shut up about it OK, not amount of arguing is going to get you out of doing this.” For a moment I was rather stunned. Jason rarely talked, and when he did, it was never more than a few words, but he had managed a whole sentence! Aside from Claire’s car repeated farting noises, the rest of the car ride was silent. No one ever really knew what to say after Jason had spoken; it was a very effective method of making everyone shut up. Finally the car came to a stop and Claire unbuckled her seatbelt. Jason and I were quick to follow suit. Claire was a very impatient person, and could easily blow her top if you stalled for too long. As I rose up out of the car I allowed myself to take a look at my surrounding. A Target store was situated right in front of our car, and to the left of it, a shoe store. Claire quickly started walking through and alleyway beside Target. Before long I found myself outside a small, dark building. The windows, or window, I should say was covered in newspaper. I must admit this did not look like the kind of place people went to for therapy. Claire pushed open the door and motioned for us all to go inside. I must say that the creativity the building lacked on the outside, it certainly made up for on the inside. The interior of the building consisted of a single light hanging from the roof. It was a lacy kind of light, yet it had a strange simplicity about the. The walls were painted a deep purple to the extent they were almost black. All around the room, obscured paintings hung from the walls. I cannot even begin to describe. The floor was covered in simple floor boards, speckled with tables and chairs. Out the front of the room there was a stage with deep red curtains.
“Welcome Claire, I am so glad you could come. These must be your siblings, Jackson and umm… oh.. Wendy wasn’t it?” I was suddenly jerked awake, back into conciseness when I saw a woman with jet black hair greeting us. She stuck out a bony, wrinkled hand, as if she was expecting me to shake it
“I’m sorry,” I said coldly, “I don’t shake hands with people who torture themselves by not visiting the beauty parlour once in a while.

A friend of mine and her family were recently approved for an apartment in a co-op in Yonkers, NY. Her family consist of herself, her older sister and their mother. Her older sister is the one whose name will be on the lease. The board though, had three requests that I find unusual. I want to know if such requests are illegal or at the very least, questionable:

1) The building’s board requests that the lease-holder have furniture insurance (I’m not sure if they said that’s mandatory or not. I thought that would be voluntary on the part of the tenant).

2) The board said that there would be a additional .00 monthly charge for a smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector. I think this is illegal because – if not already installed – I thought the tenant just had to purchase the detector and install it, NOT pay a monthly charge on it like it’s being rented.

3) When the co-op board contacted my friend’s older sister that she was approved yesterday, they told her that her sister (my friend) and their mother would have to submit to a background check prior to moving in. This I’ve never heard of before. If they decline the check, can they be barred from moving in? (which I’m sure is illegal).

I realize that co-op boards do have a lot of discretion (I grew up and live in a NYC co-op myself so I know), but this particular co-op is in Yonkers, just north of NYC and are their co-op laws I’m sure are different (tried in vain to find them online); but I still think that what they are asking just flat out illegal or at the least inappropriate.

The most embarrassing thing happened today. My dad took me and my older sister out to lunch. Well my dad walks into the resteraunt talking on the phone really loud and we were sitting in the middle of the room. My dad had his chair turned out talking on the phone loud, legs open like he was in a freaking sports bar. I wanted to die. Then when the waiter came my dad sat there for ten minutes making the waiter stand there because he couldn’t find something with both a burrito and beans (we were eating mexican) and he was complaining it wouldn’t be enough food for him omg! Anyways finally he orders and my dads friend who he hasn’t seen in a while comes over and they are sitting there talking all loud and what not and I’m trying to figure out WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WE ARE IN A FLIPPIN’ RESTERAUNT YOUR A 43 YEAR OLD MAN NOT A 5 YEAR OLD USE SOME MANNERS!! I love my dad but now I’m kind of afraid to go out to eat with him. I don’t know what to do.

My son is 4 and he is very very bad. He is constantly throwing thngs, he won’t sleep, he does terrible things o his older sister, and he has gotten in the kitchen drawers and got things to cut my furniture. I have punished him every way I know how and I have no idea what else to do! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!