What should I change in my story?
Julia hunched over her computer. She was on a pet adoption website. Scrolling through photos of countless dogs she clicked one. Its tongue hung out lazily and bright eyes seemed to gaze excitedly at her. Scrolling down she read its name and breed. It read “Name: Charlie- Age: 9 months- Breed: Terrier” Nine months! That was a whole load younger than her old, boring dog Chomps. When he was a puppy, this name had fit him, but at the age of 9 he should’ve been renamed Old Yawner. Glancing behind her, Chomps was fast asleep on her bed, his pink tongue lolled out from the side of his mouth and twitched his foot in the depths of a dream. Clicking the back button, she searched for a new dog. She was just about to click one when a voice drifted into her room, “Juuuuulia!” Her mother called, “Have you finished your homework.” Julia groaned. She had forgotten all about it. Now she had a page of math, history notes, and an English essay due all tomorrow. She wished she hadn’t saved it to the last minute! “Almost there!” She yelled back. Dragging out her back pack, she quickly did her homework.
Clomping down stairs, she turned into the T.V. room. She heard the familiar panting and heavy paw steps as Chomps followed her down. She slumped into one the couches and turned on Sponge bob, it was the episode where Gary runs away to go and live with Patrick. She wondered if Chomps would do that. Who cares? She thought. Almost on key, Chomps began to whimper. Sighing she got up. “What’s up old guy?” She questioned. He whimpered and whined even more. “Hush! It’s ok! Shhh!” Try to hush the dog didn’t seem to be working. Finally we went quiet. Sinking back into her chair she continued to watch her show. Chomps began to whine again. “Errr.” Hoisting herself up she went over to him. “What now?” She grumbled. Julia put her hand on his head and scratched behind his long and floppy ears. He groaned with delight. A gurrr, she thought, a dogs purr. “Now,” she said, “If you cry again I will be very annoyed. Got that?” Chomps stared at her. His big brown eyes were wide. “Oh, I hate when you do that look!” Sitting down she rubbed his belly and watched her show.
“Hello!” Julia called as she got in the house. She had just gotten off the school bus. It had been a particularly cold walk from down the street. It had snowed that night before and the wind was bitter. She heard the thumping of steps as Chomps came dashing towards her. Bowling her over, he licked her ears and face. “Eww! Chomps stop that!” Wiping the dog slobber off her face she glowered at Chomps. “Hello Julia! How was school?” Her mom asked, suddenly towering over her. “Fine. Until Chomps came and nearly licked me to death!” Her mother laughed. “What? It’s not funny!” Her mother stopped laughing, but a smile never left her face.
It was Friday. She thought about what to do on the upcoming weekend. Then it hit her. I know! I will see if I can go to the animal shelter! She could meet that cute little dog Charlie! Following her mom into the kitchen, she sat in one of the counter stools and watched as her mother unloaded the dish washer. “What are we going to do over the weekend?” She asked. “Well, Chomps is going into the vet for a check-up tomorrow.” Her mother replied. “Fun! Are they going to tell you again how chomp is still five pounds overweight and to stop feeding him table scraps?” Julia said scornfully. “You can be very critical sometimes! You wait and see until one day you feel bad about that!” Her mother scolded. Julia glared angrily at her mother. She over reacts to much! Julia thought with anger. She stormed up to her room and flung the door shut. She threw herself to her bed and yelled. Luckily, the mattress muffled the sound so only she could hear it. Then, something banged on her door making the knob shutter. “Go away mom!” She growled. The knob still jiggled. “I said, GO. AWAY.” The knob still jiggled. Furious she swung open her door. “In walked Chomps. “Oh, it’s just you.” Walking back to her bed she let herself fall forward onto it. The bed sunk next to her. Chomp was curled up against her. She didn’t mind. Burring her face in his medium length brown her she let herself be comforted.
It was Saturday morning. Julia’s mother had already left to bring Chomps to the vet for his monthly check up. She thought about yesterday afternoon when chomps had comforted her and let her sleep on his warm fur. Chomp’s is a good friend, She thought. She thought about going online again to look at all those cute puppies. She decided not to. For some reason she felt wrong doing that. She wondered why. She began to think about Charlie the terrier, but instead of that nine month old dog, a picture formed in her mind of a nine year old dog. Chomps, She thought. She sat downstairs on the sofa, catching up on her reading. The doorbell rang. Annoyed she wondered who it might be. Marking her page she got up
I know, Im not the most talented writer but I have to write a dumb story for english tomorow.
I know the main character is a brat.
Tagged with: 9 months • adoption website • bright eyes • chomps • couches • countless dogs • english essay • google • history notes • homework • math history • nine months • paw • pet adoption • pink tongue • puppy • script type • sponge bob • stairs • text javascript
Filed under: Old World Bar Stools
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Very boring. THe sentences are choppy, breaking the flow of the writing.